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  • Question: So your scan was good, right??? - Anonymous
  • Answer:

    Yes! Oh my gosh I can’t believe I never posted! Yes, my scan was all clear, I’m six months cancer free now :)

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the very serious cast of a very serious show

(via mydearprofessormcgonagall)

Source: titansdaughter
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Scan results tomorrow guys. I could use some good vibes and all that jazz.

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"Live through this and you won’t look back."

- Your Ex-Lover is Dead - Stars
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  • Question: Hi I just want to say that I think you are really inspiring! i also saw a buzzfeed article the other day called 15 signs you've got cancer (mostly) under control. I thought it was a weird thing for buzzfeed to do but could you look at it and see if you think it makes sense? Thank you!!! - Anonymous
  • Answer:

    Wow. Oh my god. I’m not even sure how to respond because that buzzfeed article just rattled me completely. I think it’s not only weird, but COMPLETELY inappropriate. For so many reasons.  I actually really want to write a full length post about this, so I’ll explain why this wanted to make me throw up more there. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention.  

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  • Question: P.P.S, I also followed you on twitter- hope that's alright! - yourvulcan
  • Answer:

    Totally fine! :) It’s rachelmcope for anyone else who wants to follow! 

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  • Question: Hey! I just found your blog while looking at Breaking Bad posts and your positivity and seeing your smiles in all of your pictures that I have seen, make me smile. My dad was diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lymphoma last fall and it's been hard on all of us. He's doing somewhat better now but I don't know what exact stage he's in- I don't like asking him about that stuff. I'm so so so very happy that you're doing well now and I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. P.S. Your hair is kick ass! :) - yourvulcan
  • Answer:

    Hi! Thank you so much! I’ll keep your dad in my thoughts; let me know if you ever have questions about his treatment or whatnot, I might be able to answer some of them. <3

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  • Question: Haven't snooped around tumblr in awhile so this is pretty damn random, but I'm really happy to read you're doing well these days! Hoping you only get good news from here on out :) - vladddy
  • Answer:

    Thank you! Hope post grad life is treating you well! 

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Now that my hair is growing back, I decided it was time for a change 💜💜💜

Now that my hair is growing back, I decided it was time for a change 💜💜💜

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  • Question: Hey! It was so nice to read your update. Glad you are doing well even if its still a new kind of well. I have been in remission for a few months now, too. A few weeks ago I was hospitalized because I had an infection and my white blood count was at 1.3 and then 1.0. I had a pet scan today. my first follow up one. Your update felt very relevant. I'm so much more aware of how my body is not the body it once was. However,if all is well, I will be going through these remission phases with you! - vanessayala
  • Answer:

    Hi! Thanks so much, and congrats on being in remission! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for spotless scan results!! :)

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I’ve been stuck for a few months now, not just about what to write, but about what to do.  In May, I found out my 6 month check up scan was still clear of any signs of lymphoma.  Last time I was in remission, my 6 month scan was when I found out the cancer was back, so this meant going into uncharted territory. Glorious, cancer free, uncharted territory.

But I still wasn’t off the hook. The scan results also showed pneumonia in one of my lungs, landing me in the hospital for four days, a not so gentle reminder that, cancer or not, my immune system still isn’t what it used to be.  During those days I finally accepted where I am now, where I’ve been since February or so: Remission Puberty.  

Stay with me now, I know that sounds strange, but it makes sense to me. It’s the awkward stage between being sick and well, and, like the awkward phase you go through in middle school, it’s confusing and frustrating and it sucks.  It’s having enough energy to go to classes but not having enough to keep up with the homework.  It’s feeling well enough to go to a party one night, and then spending the entire next weekend watching Netflix because your potassium levels are running low for some reason.  It’s “I’m sure you’ll be fine, but it’s probably safer not to do it,” when you ask your doctor about almost anything.  It’s almost impossible to successfully navigate, and confuses everyone around you just as much as it does you. Basically, it sucks.

And it’s still where I’m stuck, but I’ve decided it’s time to get out. My doctor advised that, if possible, I not take a job or internship this summer, and instead work on my health and getting myself to what I’m now calling Remission Adulthood. I’m lucky enough to be in a position where I could take his advice, so that’s what I’m doing.  And it’s hard.  It’s hard to know if it’s good that I’m spending all day watching Bob’s Burgers because my body needs the rest or if I should be pushing myself to get out of bed every single day.  It’s hard to know if pushing my lungs to get me through an 8 mile hike is a good way to build their stamina or if it’s just completely dangerous.  I have to ask myself these kind of questions every day, because the answer is usually never the same. But I’m getting better at figuring out the right one.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m still in Remission Puberty, but I’m ready to get out. It’s time for Adolescence, at the very least.  So I’m back, and I should be posting more often now, because a big part of getting to where I want to be is getting back to writing, and not just about cancer anymore.

Tl;Dr: I’m bad at being a kind of sick person, but I’m getting better.   

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  • Question: I remember I used to follow you when I found out you went to USC because I applied there, back when I was in high school. I have since then deleted my tumblr but I always remembered about you and your fight! I would occasionally stop by your tumblr and see how you were doing. Hopefully this doesn't sound creepy!! I'm so glad you're doing much better and you're cancer free. You're awesome and an inspiration. :) - Anonymous
  • Answer:

    This isn’t creepy at all! Thank you so much :)

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  • Question: I wish I could look half as good as you do bald! any tips or tricks?? very inspired by your journey btw, been lookin for fellow lymphoma combatants to emulate and you seem so rad - lymphobanana
  • Answer:

    I just tumblr stalked you and you look amazing bald, what are you talking about?! Love your nose ring, I want one so bad but I don’t think I could rock it as well as you do. 

    There’s a pretty dope community of us lymphoma/cancer fighters on here, let me know if you want to point you in the direction of some other great bloggers! 

    Keep fighting on! 

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  • Question: Hi! How many days post transplant are you? - Anonymous
  • Answer:

    I’ll be +200 days next week :)

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Went on my first post-transplant hike today.  8 miles from the Griffith Observatory to the Hollywood Sign and back. Cancer free life is good :)